Melodies In The Key Of Haunted
by Shipperness
Summary: The past is strapped to our backs. We do not have to see it; we can always feel it. // The children of Eli David, and the things that they fear.


**A/N: **More David family history. Originally started off as focusing just on Ari and how he came to be afraid of butterflies and expanded to include Ziva and Tali too. Summary is a quote by Mignon McLaughlin.

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"_Butterflies...I fear butterflies."  
- Ari Haswari, ep 1x16_

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"One need not be a chamber to be haunted"  
- Emily Dickinson

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When Tali David is six years old, she watches her cousin drown.

Later she will recall this day only in quick snatches, freeze-frame. The sun burning down on Tel Aviv that late summer day to Moeshe's head slipping beneath the crystal blue Mediterranean to a lifeguard finally pulling the seven year old boy's limp and lifeless form onto the hot sand and her aunt screaming and screaming. Later she would forget the details but the feeling of dread stays with her.

Her siblings are not with her that day – Ari is with his mother and Ziva is too cool to go to the beach with her little sister when her friend has a pool. Tali hates Ari's mother for keeping him in Gaza that weekend because if he were there then she feels sure that he could have saved Moeshe, because Ari once climbed the side of their house to get her frisbee when it got stuck on the roof, even though the trellis is broken in one place, and she's pretty sure that this means that Ari can do anything. When she gets home she tells this to her Papa and he smiles a smile that doesn't make Tali want to smile back and tells her she is right.

That night Ziva has to sit in the shower with her because when their mother tried to put Tali in the bath, Tali screamed and screamed and couldn't make herself stop.

Later Tali is taken to see a man with kind eyes and a brightly coloured tie who talks to her about things like _feelings _and _afraid_ but Tali thinks he's probably confused because David's aren't afraid of anything. She makes him laugh when she tells him it isn't his fault because she knows that old people get confused sometimes like her grandfatherwho sometimes thinks that he is still in a place called ohss-veetz (Tali doesn't know where this is but she thinks it is probably not like Tel Aviv because everyone's faces get all crumply when they talk about it) and then she tells him about Ari and how he could have saved Moeshe if only he had been there. The man smiles a nice smile that makes her feel happy, but then he tells her that she is wrong. Tali thinks that he is just silly then because her Papa told her that she was right and her Papa knows everything, obviously.

But Tali still can't get into the bathtub, and Ziva still has to take showers with her. And the next time Ari comes to stay, he takes her to the beach, but she won't go near the sea. She never goes into the sea again.

Tali David is afraid of the water for the rest of her life, though that doesn't prove to be a very long time.

*

Ziva David loves butterflies. She loves how colourful and delicate and free they are. Her Papa calls her 'Little Butterfly' because of how she loves them. Her favourite t-shirt has butterflies printed on it. Her Aunt Nettie gave her a special gold bracelet of butterflies all linked together that she is only allowed to wear at special times like her birthday and Chanukah.

In the summertime when the butterflies flutter around in the garden, she catches them in jars and nets and her hands, and brings them to her room to flutter about inside. Sometimes if one settles long enough she sits and draws them, carefully copying the intricate patterns and colours of their wings. When she is done drawing them and watching them and jumping on her bed trying to fly around with them she opens her window and watches them all fly out, fly away, back to their friends and their families and their freedom.

Ziva never keeps them, and never never never kills them. Once, a long time ago, when she was on a trip with her class at a museum, she saw some dead butterflies in a glass case and cried. She never told anyone though because David's don't cry.

One day she is making a tent under the dining room table with Ari, to use as base camp for their trek to the North Pole. Tali is too small to help, she can only crawl around and dribble and make noise and Ari says they will maybe use her as a husky dog to pull their sled. Ziva agrees because every polar explorer needs to have a dog to pull the sled, otherwise they might get tired and freeze to death. She asks Ari if they might die and he nods wisely and tells her that the North Pole is very dangerous. Ziva tells Ari that if she dies she will turn into a butterfly and come to live in the garden so he will know where to find her when he gets home. Ari just looks at her like she's crazy and tells her to fetch more blankets.

In this moment, Ziva David is not afraid to die.

*

Ari Haswari is not afraid of anything. He knows this is true because David's Are Not Afraid and David's Do Not Cry and even though his name is Haswari, his blood is David. Ari knows that he is not afraid of anything because of Responsibility. From when Ari was very small, his Papa has always told him about Responsibility. He is the eldest and the only boy which means he has to look after his younger sisters because they are his Responsibility. And when he grows up he will be in the IDF and serve his country and that will be his Responsibility. And after he is a soldier then Papa has a lot of Very Important Things for him to do which will mean a lot of Responsibility. And even though Papa does not say it, when Ari is at home in Gaza with his mother, he is the man of the house, and so Ari supposes that is his Responsibility too.

He quite likes having Responsibility, because it means that Papa trusts him. Papa is hard on him sometimes but it is _for his own good_ so Ari doesn't mind. One day he will be an important man like Papa and then he will teach his son about Responsibility.

Ari takes all of this very seriously, especially the part about taking care of his sisters, because he loves his sisters. There is not so much that he can do for Tali right now because she is just a baby and she can't even walk properly yet, but Ziva is _always _doing dumb things like jumping on her bed and climbing trees and then falling out of them, so Ari has his hands full just keeping up with her. Ari kind of doesn't want Tali to learn how to walk.

So he is quite relieved when Ziva gets a tummy ache because it means she stays in bed all day and so it is much easier to take care of her. Ziva's mother brings her drinks and some food (which she doesn't eat) and cleans up when Ziva is sick into a bowl by her bed, so all Ari really needs to do is cheer her up. He goes out into the garden with Ziva's net and her jars and catches butterflies. He leaps and runs, he sneaks up on them and he catches them out of midair, their delicate wings fluttering against his palms. He catches so many that he has to ask his step-mother for more jars to put them in.

It takes him several trips up the stairs to bring all of the jars up and by the time he is finished he's hot and sweaty and he needs to lean with his hands on his knees to catch his breath, but the smile on Ziva's face when he releases them all in her bedroom makes it worth it. It makes him feel proud of himself.

He sits for a little while with her and watches them all flying about but then his step-mother comes to tell him that Ziva needs her rest and he should come downstairs now. She looks a little bit shocked at all the butterflies in the air but she squeezes Ari's hand as they leave the room so he thinks it's maybe a good kind of shock.

Much later there is a lot of activity and bustling and he can hear Ziva crying but his step-mother won't let him in her room, so he minds Tali in the living room instead, listening while his step-mother speaks into the telephone. He can't hear very well but she says words like _fever_ and _pain_ and those aren't very good words, but Ari isn't scared. Ari is not scared of anything.

An ambulance comes and men come into the house and take Ziva away and by this time she is not crying anymore, she is lying very still and being very quiet. Ari sits strapped in the back of his step-mother's car next to Tali on the way to the hospital and she doesn't answer when he asks what is happening. At the hospital he sits on a chair with Tali in his lap while his step-mother speaks to the doctors and then she comes to sit next to him and they sit there for a very long time. Eventually his Aunt Nettie comes to take him and Tali home and when he asks her what's wrong with Ziva she tells him that her app-end-icks burst and she is having an operation to fix it. Operations are scary, but Ari is not afraid.

When they get back to the house Aunt Nettie tells him that his Papa will come to the house to get some of Ziva's things tonight after work before going to the hospital. She asks Ari to get some pyjamas and a toothbrush and Ziva's favourite teddy bear and put it in a bag while she puts Tali to bed and Ari goes to do it right away because it is his Responsibility to look after Ziva.

When he opens Ziva's bedroom door all the butterflies he caught earlier are dead. They are on the floor and the bed and the window ledge, little dead butterflies scattered all around. He remembers Ziva telling him that when she died she would turn into a butterfly and all of a sudden he can't feel his legs.

When Aunt Nettie comes to find him he has thrown up on the carpet and his face is wet with tears because he is certain that Ziva is dead and it is his fault. Aunt Nettie hugs him and promises of course Ziva is not dead and then she cleans up the carpet and Ari begs her not to tell his Papa that he cried. David's don't cry and even though Ari's name is Haswari, he is a David by blood.

*

Ziva comes home from the hospital on a Monday and she has to stay indoors all week, even though she feels much better and she can't even really feel the stitches unless she stretches or moves too quickly. So she sits inside and feels bored and sulky.

Ari comes on Friday afternoon like he always does and Ziva feels much happier because he sits with her and tells her jokes and draws funny patterns on her arm in felt tip pen that smear when she traces them with her finger.

On Saturday morning Ziva asks Ari if he will catch butterflies for her again. The look on his face is so terrible that Ziva is afraid to ask again, so they watch television all day and plan to climb Mount Everest when Ziva is feeling better (they will make their base camp underneath the stairs) and Ziva almost forgets that she ever asked. But that night after everyone is in bed, Ari sneaks into her room and whispers to her that she must never catch butterflies ever again, he says it over and over and makes her repeat it and promise him again and again until he is satisfied.

Ziva David is not afraid to die, but there in the dark she is a little afraid of the strange intensity in her brother's eyes.


End file.
